


Hell is Empty

by Carleen



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M, MaleShep KaidanAlenko MassEffect Garrus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-20
Updated: 2013-01-21
Packaged: 2017-11-26 05:28:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/647057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carleen/pseuds/Carleen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan Alenko is lost and alone on Omega Station. He drinks to vanquish the ghosts and ease the guilt. With nothing left to lose, he's looking for a way out of the darkness. The final precipice is just a few steps away when Garrus finds him. A story of Kaidan's fall and redemption. His journey back to life. Images of alcoholism and prostitution in Chapter 1 may upset some readers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hell is Empty

LOCATION: Omega Station

GAME TIMELINE: Post ME1, one year before the events of ME2

* * *

 

_"Not a soul_  
_But felt a fever of the mad and played_  
_Some tricks of desperation._  
_All but mariners_  
_Plunged in the foaming brine and quit the vessel,_  
_Then all afire with me. The king's son, Ferdinand,_  
_With hair up-staring—then, like reeds, not hair—_  
_Was the first man that leaped, cried,_  
_"Hell is empty And all the devils are here."_

The Tempest, Act 1:2 William Shakespeare

* * *

Kaidan Alenko rolled over in a tangle of sheets. The noise from the corridor waking him much too soon for his liking. With a dry mouth and an aching head, he was not ready to face the day. Sitting up, he surveyed his surroundings. The bed smelled of sex, the room smelled of whiskey and the man snoring on the other side of the bed an unknown. Not even a name drifted through Kaidan's liquor soaked brain. He let his head fall into his hands.

A year ago, Kaidan dropped out of what his mother would call polite society. But it was far worse than she knew. He'd lost his commission, left the service, and drifted to Omega Station. Where he'd successfully rebooted his career into a promiscuous drunk. He was lost and alone, with only the grief over his failure to save Commander Shepard's life a constant companion. Sure, he could drink a fifth of good Canadian whiskey and banish the pain to the shadows. It never lasted long enough, and he could no longer afford Canadian whiskey.

At Omega, it was all about equivalents. The equivalent to Canadian whiskey was the poison cooked up by the batarian who kept a still on the lower levels. The equivalent of food were the calories he got from the liquor. The equivalent to the brash young officer he'd been was a sodden drunk. Now that he is awake, his body clamored for a drink. He found his clothes, carded his fingers through dirty hair, and headed for the door. Then rough hands grabbed him by the collar and threw him back down on the bed.

"Where the hell do you think you're going? I'm paid up 'till noon. Now, give me what you owe me." The quarian opened the lower half of his suit. How the man survived like this without dying of infection neither concerned or interested Kaidan. He existed in a narrow world of alcohol and ghosts. Sex was the way to keep the liquor flowing and alcohol kept the ghosts from rising. In a cocoon of the numbing haze of alcoholism, he dutifully knelt in front of the quarian.

An open-handed blow to the side of his face sent him reeling against the bed. "You're disgusting. I don't want you to touch me again. He chuckled cruelly, the sound of it muffled inside the helmet, I'll just take what I need and be out of here." Kaidan felt several pieces of coin hit the back of his head and slide under his face. Picking him up by the hips the quarian took him hard and fast and when he was done, simply dropped the human on the floor and left. Hot tears dripped off the human's face. He actually didn't mind servicing quarians. It helped that he couldn't see their faces.

A gentle kick from the hotel proprietor woke him two hours later. "Time to move on." Kaidan knew him; the man wasn't cruel. But business was business, and he had to get Kaidan out of the room, so he could get it cleaned up for the next loving couple.

"Hey, here's some coin. That quarian ripped your pants. Don't look like they can be mended."

Looking down at himself, he saw the tear. Now he had another reason to feel sad. These pants represented his last connection with the military. The boots he'd sold long ago. These were his uniform pants, the casual fatigues he wore when he wasn't in his armor.

"Just go straight to the guy around the corner. You'll be OK. No one cares around here anyway."

Kaidan nodded his thanks and stumbled from the room.

The proprietor stopped him. "You don't look so good. If dying is your goal, there are quicker and less painful ways to go about it."

"I know, guess I'm just a coward about that too."

"Take care, kid."

The nights were the worst. The days he walked the streets and alleys of Omega. Usually a handout would come his way, a drink, or a scrap of food. Very little was ever thrown away here in the underbelly of Omega. So trash picking rarely yielded anything. There were one or two Missions here. When he was just too sick to work, he'd flop there. They'd make him eat, let him clean up, and send him on his way.

Evening found him heading down to the batarian for his nightly anesthetic. If he didn't have money, there would always be someone waiting who'd pay him for sex. If there wasn't, he'd spend a long sleepless night, hiding in an alley. When he finally passed out, the Normandy was there waiting for him. She always blew up, and Shepard was always spaced. In the dream, he ran through the ship. Trying to help. Trying to save… something or someone. He always failed and always woke in the trembling sweat of withdrawal. Tonight was one of those nights. A fever raged through his weakened body. Through cracked lips, he tried to swallow some liquid. Any liquid.

"Hey what'd you just call me?"

"Sorry… didn't mean… bad dream." Kaidan muttered, curling around himself.

"Hey fellas, I think he called me Shepard."

They all laughed. The drunk at their feet wasn't worth their trouble. But a few laughs were always worth the time.

"Bad news, dude. Shepard is dead!" The leader yelled it in his ear, and they all laughed.

Kaidan pushed himself to his hands and knees. His survival depended on escaping this gang. He'd never been caught outside at night before. But then he'd never been this sick. Maybe he should just lay here and let them kill him. One of them kicked him in the side. Just lay here and go to sleep. He had nothing to live for and nothing left to lose.

Several feet away, a hidden exit opened to the street. Out of the passage stepped a tall turian and an asari. They were deep in conversation, and failed to notice the commotion until they were on top of it. Normally, Aria T'Loak didn't bother with these petty brawls. She might be their unquestioned leader. But her ambitions ran much higher than simple street gang issues. But something caught her eye and she stopped so suddenly, the turian almost bumped into her. The young man on the ground looked familiar and she never forgot a face.

"Vakarian, check him. I bet he's wearing dog tags."

"This?" The turian pointed and shrugged his shoulders. But it was always wise to do whatever Aria asked, so he bent down to reach under the human's filthy shirt. Omega was no place for humans. They just didn't have the stamina to survive long in this nightmare. He had to rub at the tarnished metal to read the name.

Alenko, Kaidan, Staff Lieutenant. Alliance Marines. Sentinel. Registered Biotic.

"Spirits! Kaidan, no. Not you. Not like this."

"You know him?"

"Yeah. I'll catch up with you later Aria. Okay?"

"Sure thing. See you later at Afterlife. Bring him along if you want. He looks like he could use a drink." Her laughter rang through the corridor.

With a long look at the gang, who wisely backed off, Garrus Vakarian gently lifted Kaidan from the ground. His apartment was close by, so it wasn't long before he had the young marine safely indoors.

Kaidan opened his eyes and looked around the room. Where was this place? Most of his customers couldn't afford such nice accomodations. The room was clean. The blanket over him didn't stink of unwashed bodies. When he raised his head, he noticed a turian with his back to him on the other side of the room.

"Hey buddy. Thanks for taking me in last night. I wasn't doing so well. No money, but I can pay for the bed… any way you want it. What do you say?"

The turian stood and slowly approached the bed.

As Kaidan focused on the blue armor and the blue facial tattoo, a cry of desolation rose in his throat.

"Garrus. Oh, God. Garrus. I'm…"

"You're safe, Kaidan. That's all that matters."


	2. Hell is Empty

LOCATION: Omega Station

GAME TIMELINE: Post ME1, one year before the events of ME2

* * *

_Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows._

The Tempest, 2:2 William Shakespeare

* * *

 

"No. No! I'm leaving. Now." Kaidan kicked the blanket away and climbed off the bed.

"I will not allow you to leave."

"You can't stop me."

"Well, we both know I can. I took your clothes."

Garrus forced himself not to look away from the young man. When he removed the filthy rags of his clothes, he'd seen the evidence. He didn't mean to notice. He hadn't meant to look. His nakedness revealed the story of the violence and poverty of Kaidan's life. There were bruises and flecks of blood on his legs. His hair, once so meticulously groomed, a tangled mass and he was so thin. His once intense brown eyes now dark and desolate. Several of his teeth showed decay.

"The only condition under which I'll allow you to leave that bed is to clean yourself."

"A shower? You'd let me…?"

"Of course, I will let you and then you will eat. Kaidan, I will allow you privacy, but if you are not out in twenty minutes, I will come in and get you. There's a robe on the door, put it to use."

"Thanks, Garrus. I'll be quick. Do you have anything to drink around here?"

Watching him enter the bathroom, he remembered Shepard and Kaidan in the gym working out together. Always, competitive as hell; testing each other and pushing to be the best. Those days were gone and two of Shepard's crew were stuck in this sewer. He'd always liked Kaidan, and so he would help the kid on that account. He would also do it for Shepard, in his memory.

While Kaidan was in the bathroom, Garrus put the time to use by ordering food and water for the human. The order arrived just as Kaidan walked out.

After setting a large bottle of water in front of Kaidan, Garrus asked him how he felt.

"Good. Fine. I think I had a fever."

"You did. I got some meds from a salarian doctor who just happened to be standing there. He told me, you were also dehydrated, malnourished and addicted to something."

"You could probably tell all that just by looking at me."

"He also said you were infected with an STD."

"It's possible, he said in a whisper. I could seriously use that drink right now."

"Here. Take this, instead. The doctor said it would control the infection and cure the STD.

The marine's hands were shaking so hard he could not hold the glass. Garrus assisted him with the pills and the water. He rested his talons on the human's thin shoulder.

"Kaidan, I don't want you to die."

The human seemed to turn in on himself. If it were possible for him to become smaller he did. Like a young child, who realized he'd done a bad thing. A terrible sob rose from Kaidan's body and it was horrible to watch. When Kaidan swayed on his feet, Garrus caught him.

"You're safe here and I will make sure it stays that way. There's plenty to eat, and you will learn to take care of yourself again."

Turning him, Garrus sat Kaidan down at the table and put a bowl of soup in front of him. "Eat."

"I can't. It's making me sick just smelling it."

"Then you will vomit, and you will eat again, and again until you can keep it down."

The door chimed, and at Garrus's call, the salarian doctor walked in.

"Patient survived the night. Excellent. More drugs to combat infection and addiction. Purges alcohol from system. Twenty-four hours for 100% effectiveness. Must be watched. Eat to live. Alcohol poisonous to humans. Yet they persist: Social customs, familial celebrations, funerals, weddings, births, sports events…"

"Doctor?"

"Mordin Solus. Not a medical doctor. Often function as MD in this environment."

The salarian moved to stand directly in front of Kaidan. "Human. Can cure physical injuries. Cannot cure depression, suicidal thoughts, and misplaced feelings of guilt. Am well acquainted with guilt. Attempting to fix what I have done. Do not recommend guilt as a lifestyle choice."

"Thanks, doc."

Garrus followed him to the door. "What do I owe you, Doctor Solus?"

"If desired monetary gain, would open cosmetic surgery clinic on Citadel."

The turian turned back to Kaidan and watched him attempting to eat the soup. Sad brown eyes turned to him.

"I'm scared… haven't been sober in a long, long time."

"You could have come to any of us. We would have helped you."

"Everything was gone. The Normandy, Shepard, the crew… Never felt so lost in my life. No direction. No anchor."

"I'm not going to lie, Kaidan. After Shepard died, I was lost too. Tried Spectre training. That was a waste of time. Like you, I drifted here."

"I miss him, Garrus. I can't shake the feeling that one day, I'll look up and there he'll be."

"I know. I know. But, no one can survive without air, or being spaced or free fall to a planet. The re-entry alone would kill you."

The spoon fell to the table, as a bad case of shakes hit him. Garrus helped him to the couch and covered him with another blanket.

"C-C-Cold."

"I miss him too, Kaidan. I tell myself it's his spirit. But, I can't shake that feeling you describe."

"Thanks. Where's everyone else? Tali?"

Busying himself getting Kaidan comfortable, Garrus tried to delay answering him. He dropped into a chair. "I don't know. She just walked away."

"I loved him."

"Get some sleep, Kaidan."

"How do you get over the loss of the only person you'll ever love?"

"When you figure it out let me know. Get some sleep. I'll be right here."

Garrus thought about the answer to that question. If he knew what it was, then maybe he could get that brave and sassy quarian girl out of his dreams.


	3. Hell is Empty

LOCATION: Omega Station

GAME TIMELINE: Post ME1, one year before the events of ME2

* * *

  _What's past is prologue_  


The Tempest, 2:1 William Shakespeare

* * *

Throughout a day and night, Garrus watched Kaiden wrestle with his demons. The first few hours, Kaiden lay huddled in the fetal position shivering and whimpering quietly. Once, he cried out and thrashed his arms, as if attempting to protect himself. Garrus patiently covered him and soothed him back to sleep. Every couple of hours he woke Kaidan to give him more of the medication Doctor Solus left behind.

It was sometime during the night, when he assisted Kaidan to the bathroom, the young man broke down completely.

"What have I done to myself?" The human covered his face with his hands.

To a turian, this display of weakness was unacceptable. If he were a good turian, he'd tell Alenko to either put an end to his misery or turian-up. If he were a good turian, he'd have obeyed by his father, by remaining in C-Sec. But, he hadn't and didn't intend to and that was all behind him now. So here he was offering haven and comfort to a human. A human who'd disgraced himself by his behavior and lack of discipline. He pulled Kaidan away from the wall. When the human sagged against him Garrus pulled him protectively to his side and supported him back to the couch.

The truth was he didn't mind Kaidan's presence, because he was lonely and adrift himself. On the Normandy, he'd had a taste of working for a great leader, with a good crew. That might never happen again. Perhaps they could make a difference here? Between the two of them, they could honor Shepard's memory by doing something positive. Watching over Kaidan, he formed a plan. 

Garrus awoke to the sound of a bolt sliding into the chamber. Leaping to his feet, he sees Kaiden with a gun in his hand.

"What in the name of The Spirits are you doing?"

"Uh, cleaning a weapon? Wanted to help out."

"I thought… I thought…"

"You thought I was about to decorate that wall." 

"Something like that." After retrieving them both some breakfast, Garrus resolved to bring Kaidan in on his plans. 

"I'm glad you feel better, Kaidan. Up for some serious discussion?"

"If it's about me and what happened here, no."

Garrus shook his head, "Look, when I first arrived here it was to track down a drug smuggler. I found him, but in the process ended up helping a few people along the way. I haven't pursued it, but I've heard myself referred to as an "Angel."

Kaiden laughed. "You? An angel?"

"As I recall, you were in need of a guardian angel," Garrus snapped.

"Point taken. I'm sorry."

"One of the reasons I left C-Sec were the rules and regulations. The damned policies and red tape only hinder effective law enforcement. There are a handful of other men here who have shown an interest in cleaning this place up. One of them is another turian, named Sidonis. What do you say we band together? With your skills, you would be a real asset. We could do some good here. Like my father used to say, 'Do things right or don't do them at all.'"

Kaiden finished reassembling the M-92 Mantis sniper rifle before he answered. "Well… okay, Archangel. Where do we start?

"Archangel, is it? I see your sense of humor is returning. Oh wait; you never had a sense of humor. Let's start by getting you some clothes. You won't be much of a threat in that robe. Garrus looked down at the human's bare feet. And, I've been meaning to ask, what exactly is the purpose of all those toes?"

Months go by as Garrus and his team worked their way across Omega, shutting down the drug suppliers and taking out the gang leaders. With Aria T'Loak's cooperation, they made Omega a safer place to live. But it couldn't last. Nothing lasted for long on Omega Station. The place had a tendancey to chew people and things up and spit them out just like the ore it processed deep in the station. As he looked down at the dead body of his batarian tech expert, those harsh realities begin to dawn on him.

Once, in the beginning, the odds were in their favor. But there was still good work to do and he wasn't about to stop now. Kaiden walked up behind him.

"Garrus, we've done good things here. Made enough credits to live somewhere… anywhere else."

"No. We can't stop now. Sidonis contacted me this morning. The Blood Pack is down in the Kenzo District, supplying guns to the other gangs. This is our chance to put a stop to them. Take them all out at once. Come on, Kaidan."

"Garrus I don't like the sound of it. Where is Sidonis? We haven't seen him in a week."

"I'm going. Are you with me?"

"I owe you my life, Garrus. But this reeks of a trap. I can't and I won't watch you walk into it."

"I'll go myself. Forget I asked."

"Listen to me! They are banding together to bring us down. Don't you see it? Are you so obsessed you can't see what's coming right at us?"

"Get back to the hideout, Kaidan. You'll be safe there."

The Kenzo District is quiet echoes Garrus's footfalls back to him as he walked down the vacant corridor. He looked over his shoulder; there's no one there. For almost a year, Kaidan had his back while they took down the bad guys. The human's companionship made this place bearable. With focus and a purpose, Kaiden was now healthy. Things were about to change. They had changed, because for the first time his team wasn't with him. His instincts kicked in and he brought up his assault rifle. As he continued down the street, remembering the things his father had tried so hard to teach him. Suddenly he knows… Oh, Spirits, he knows. There is no one here. Kaidan was right. It's a trap. Garrus ran back the way he came. The alleyway is so dark he cannot see where he's running. The hideout is just a few yards away when the bomb detonates. The shock wave knocked him off his feet and he heard Kaidan's voice shouting instructions to the other men. Then silence as the roof caves in and the hideout is engulfed in flames.

"Kaidan!"

He's held them off for almost a week now. In a surprising show of solidarity the gangs united to take him out. There are still far more of them than there is of him and he is almost out of ammunition. The food ran out two days ago. He is tired and only the desire to revenge Kaidan's death and his own betrayal by taking down Sidonis keeps him going. There's been plenty of time up here to reflect back on his life. Once or twice, he manages to convince himself Kaidan is still alive. It is possible he escaped the worst of the blast. Resting his head on a stack of crates, he reflects that he does not regret a moment of his life. Perhaps he will contact his father and talk to him and say goodbye.

Garrus looks down the scope of his sniper rifle, as he listens to his father tell him to finish up with his target practice and come home. What had distracted him was the sound of gunfire. This was not the usual sound of the gang weaponry. This was different. Again, the report of an assault rifle echoes below him. The sound of something different, something new. Through his scope, he sees not the insignia of a Blue Sun or a Krogan Blood Pack warrior. He tells his father he must go, because the odds of him surviving this may have just improved. Adjusting the optics, he observes the confident stride of a man he once knew. The red stripe and insignia of an N7 Soldier confirms it.

He says, "Shepard," just as the red dot of Commander Shepard's sniper rifle illuminates his scope. Effectively blinded, Garrus dives for cover, but cannot quite keep the smile off his face. As he rolls to a stop he remembered something else he saw in the scope. Just behind Commander Shepard, was the slender form of a quarian female. The light purple of her helmet as familiar to him as if it were her actual face. A real angel was coming to save him.

**~0~**

"Staff Lieutenant Alenko, I order you to open your eyes."

"Yes, sir. W-w-where am I?"

"The Citadel. You have a lot to answer for son. Therefore, the sooner you pull it together and start talking the better it will be for you. Am I understood?"

"Aye, sir." Through a haze of pain and drugs, Kaidan Alenko watches as Admiral Anderson gives him a quick nod and walks out of his hospital room.


	4. Hell is Empty

LOCATION: The Citadel, Omega Station & Horizon Colony

GAME TIMELINE: ME2

* * *

  
_Your tale, sir, would cure deafness._   


The Tempest 1:2 William Shakespeare

* * *

"Staff Lieutenant Alenko reporting as ordered, sir."

"At ease, Lieutenant. Sit down, son. I have an assignment for you. First, let's make sure everything that needs to be said is out."

"Thank you, sir."

Admiral Anderson came around the front of his desk and sat down next to the marine.

"Ready to get back to work?"

"Yes, sir."

"Kaidan, be at ease about the last two years."

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"I understand. I'm sure you've talked more about it than you ever intended or wanted to just to get your security clearances back and your commission reinstated. I read the medical reports: Injuries that never healed properly, trauma, old fractures. I want you to understand that your medical records are sealed and the information will remain classified. Your doctors, Garrus Vakarian, and I are the only ones who ever need to know. Unless you tell someone yourself, of course."

"He saved my life." Replied the Lieutenant with his gaze fixed at some faraway point.

"The work you did with Garrus Vakarian was important."

"It didn't last."

"You've been out of touch for a while. Can I interest you in something I think will suite your unique skills?

"I'd be grateful for anything, sir."

"Human colonies are disappearing."

"Disappearing? Where?"

The admiral was gratified to see the Lieutenant's head come up and his shoulder's straighten. He thought this would do the trick to get him interested in work. A good mystery and a problem to solve usually worked with these young troops. Keep them moving, keep them engaged.

"We don't know. We just don't know. I want to send you to Horizon. Set up a defense perimeter. Protect the colonists with whatever means necessary and report your findings."

"Understood. I'll leave immediately."

"Thank you, Kaiden. I knew I could count on you."

"I'll be in touch, sir."

~0~

Garrus could hear their footsteps now as they closed in on his position. Shepard was alive. How was it possible? Yet, there he was. He was alive.

"Archangel?"

Shepard's voice.

"Careful, Shepard. It could be a trap."

Tali's voice.

"Don't bloody well care if it's Saint Michael himself. We're here to do a goddamn job."

And voice he didn't recognize. Around the corner, guns drawn, walked a battle scared man followed by Commander Shepard and Tali. For a long moment everything just stopped. No one spoke. Had he ever been happier to see anyone in his life? As the adrenaline drained away and relief set in, he had to sit down.

Tali took a step toward him.

Garrus twisted the catch on his helmet and pulled it from his head. All Garrus could think of to say, "Shepard."

"Garrus." Shepard responded quietly.

"I've missed you, Tali girl."

"Hey Garrus. It's good to see you.

He couldn't see her face, but he heard the catch in her voice. Was she glad to see him, too? Touch her... right now. He would get up and walk right over to her. Pick her up by that impossibly sexy waist and hug her body to his until she cried out for more. Then slip that face plate off and see her, really see her... love her... Shepard interrupted his musings.

"After you tell me how you got every merc in the Terminus Sector gunning for you, I'll tell you about how you shot me."

"They were only concussive rounds, Shepard. Had to be convincing, didn't I?"

"You didn't shoot a Tali or Zaeed."

"You had it coming."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Care to explain how come you're alive? I spent a lot of time grieving over your death and now, here you stand."

"I'm the one who died and all I get is hard times for it. Garrus, it's good to see you. Damn good to see you."

"While you two _nancy boys_ get reacquainted, I'll remind you we still have to get out of here. From what I see down there we won't be just walking out the door."

"Garrus, this is Zaeed Massani. He's in charge of Normandy public relations."

The turian and the human nodded. They'd never met, but they were familiar with the other's work.

"I'll tell you all about the last two years when we get back to the ship, Shepard. Right now, I'll stay up here with my sniper rifle and you get down there and do what you do best."

As the trio walked away to take a position, Garrus felt Tali quickly squeeze his hand.

He returned the pressure, pulling her to a stop. "Tali, got anything good in your secret snack drawer? I haven't eaten in two days."

"Oh, I think I've got something you'll like." She said over her shoulder, as she walked away.

Suddenly the world tilted straight again. Just like old times.

They fought their way to the lower levels and just as they were about to finish off the last wave. They all heard an attack helicopter and turned as one to watch it swing into view just outside the windows. They all took cover, but Garrus tried to get one more shot in.

The turian actually heard the sound of the missile launching. His brain registered it as a small AA Stinger missile. He watched its trajectory: it would impact his body in seconds. Funny how you have time to measure these things when everything is happening in slow motion. He moved. He tipped his body to the left. But the damn thing seemed to follow him.

Then he was on the ground and the world was on fire. Silence. Shepard must have destroyed the helicopter. In quick succession, he heard Tali and Shepard calling his name and the sound of their foot steps. It was good that he could hear them. Right? Meant he wasn't dead. Then he felt the sticky sensation of blood pooling under his faceand the pain kicked in. The next time he was aware of anything he was in Med Bay with Doctor Chakwas fussing over him.

"Good you're awake. Do you realize that you're dehydrated? I'd say you haven't eaten in a while and you caught a missile with the right side of your face. When was the last time you slept?"

"Let's get back to the caught a missile with my face part."

"I'm sorry, Garrus. It's good to see you. I just hate for any of my boys to be in pain. There will be some scarring, but you're fine. No damage to your right eye or jaw. Thankfully, your armor absorbed most of the impact. You won't be winning beauty contests anytime soon."

"That's certainly a priority. Thanks for patching me up."

"Commander Shepard wanted to talk to you as soon as you woke up."

~0~

Filling his lungs with the fresh air, Lieutenant Alenko watched the sun set over the settlement. He'd be much happier if they'd finished the defense perimeter before the sun went down. To his surprise these people were not receptive to what they saw as Alliance interference. Didn't matter, he was immune to their complaints. In fact, he was immune to most emotions. The folks at the Alliance mental health clinic were sympathetic, helpful, and kind. When he'd finished 'talking it out" with them he realized nothing inside him had changed. The anger, the shame, the grief were a part of him now. It did feel good to be back in a uniform, working again and keeping busy. All his regrets were behind him. He did wish he'd been able to find Garrus though. Alliance had kept him so busy he hadn't really had time to look.

The invasion happened during the night. The lieutenant heard the sounds of screaming. He'd spent the night walking the perimeter. Running toward the sounds, with gun drawn, he was too late. By the time he'd arrived back in camp it was all over. He was alone. He walked the empty colony in the early morning sun, trying a little unsuccessfully to keep those old thoughts of inadequacy at bay. Until, in the distance he heard the sound of a shuttle. Shielding his eyes against the glare of the sun, he saw the emblem. Cerberus! He checked his weapon and took cover. Better to wait and see what they were up to. Perhaps they had just come back to make sure they hadn't left anyone behind. They wouldn't take him alive.

The sound of people talking brought him out of hiding. It was one of the colonists. So, not everyone was gone.

Was that Garrus? He walked slowly closer to the sounds of conversation.

"I didn't want it to end this way, I did what I could."

"More than most, Shepard."

It was Garrus and… Kaidan's feet were moving and his lips were saying words, "Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy, First Human Spectre, and Savior of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a legend, Delan and a ghost."

Anger… no, rage rose up in his chest like a tumor. His hands clenched into fists. How dare Shepard stand there looking at him as if nothing had changed.

"We thought you were dead, Shepard. We all did."

To hide his rage he hugged Shepard and the commander did not hesitate to hug back. Maybe he was wrong. Then stupid hurtful words started coming out of his mouth. He couldn't stop them.

Garrus shook his head and used a hand signal from their days back on Omega Station. The cutting motion of the turian's hand across this throat telling him silently to shut the hell up. He should listen to the turian. But he couldn't, he just kept talking. _Two years… two years… two years,_ his rage taunted him. The pain he was inflicting with his words showed on Shepard's face now. He was hurting him and probably embarrassing him in front of Tali and Garrus.

 _Just walk away, Kaidan. Walk away._ But he couldn't. Not yet _._

"Thinking you were dead, tore me apart. How could you put me through that? And, now you're with Cerberus?" He was behaving like a spoiled child. Only stamping his feet in anger would complete the picture.

"Kaidan!" Garrus tried one more time to stop him.

"I loved you, Shepard. But you've changed. I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier, Always will be."

Then, as quickly as it had come the rage left him and couldn't say anything more. The damage was stamped on Shepard's face.

The only thing he could think of to say was goodbye. There would be no forgiveness for the awful things he'd said. Didn't matter, he wasn't worth it anyway. Slowly walking toward the buildings, he heard Shepard call for the shuttle just as he rounded a corner.


	5. Hell is Empty

LOCATION: SR-2 Normandy

GAME TIMELINE: ME2

* * *

 

  _O, a cherubim_

_Thou wast that did preserve me._

_Thou didst smile, Infused with a fortitude from heaven,_

_When I have decked the sea with drops full salt,_

_Under my burden groaned; which raised in me_

_An undergoing stomach, to bear up_

_Against what should ensue_

The Tempest, Act 1:2 William Shakespeare

* * *

 

"Hey Shepard."

"Got time to talk?"

"Sure. Come on in, pull up a crate."

"What's going on between you and Kaidan? I mean you were obviously communicating with him better than I was."

"Yeah, he didn't listen very well did he? Back on Omega, he would have... Never mind."

"You sound as if you talked to him since before, since the old days."

"I've got calibrations to do, Shepard. We've got to ready for that Omega 4 Relay. Right?"

"Omega? Omega... You saw him on Omega Station?"

In spite of the fact that turians don't have the mobile features of a human. Turians in general and Garrus in particular are bad liars. Shepard read him like a mission summary and joined him at the console. Garrus looked away from the pleading eyes of his CO and friend. Damn humans and their expressive eyes.

"It's not my story to tell, Shepard. Please leave it at that."

"So there is a story. Garrus, He was so angry with me. I thought, okay be distrustful of Cerberus. Be angry with me for dying and suddenly reappearing. There was more. I know him. I know him as well as I know you. Now what is going on?"

"Damn it, Shepard. I will only say this. You know I spent the better part of a year on Omega working with a team to help clean up the station. Kaidan was a part of that team. Up until this very moment we saw him, I didn't know if he were alive or dead."

"I'm listening."

"The Blood Pack and The Blue Suns banded together against us and managed to assassinate my entire team. I just happened to be the only one who wasn't in the hideout, because I was stupid enough to think I could go after them myself. Sidonis betrayed me by luring me out with a fake message. Kaidan saw it, Shepard. Saw through the whole damn thing. One of these days, I'm going to put a bullet through Sidonis' head for his part in that."

"So you assumed Kaidan died in the attack?"

"Seemed that way. The entire building went up in the explosion. I watched it collapse. My team… they were in the basement. The last thing I heard was Kaidan shouting orders. I'm just glad he's okay. That is it, Shepard. I'm done talking about it."

"Want some help with Sidonis?"

"Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks."

"I'll let you get back to work."

Shepard walked back to his quarters with more questions than answers. Pouring himself a drink he dropped into his desk chair. The whiskey burned his throat. he took another long sip just to feel the pain again. Tomorrow's mission? A complete unknown. Referring to it as a suicide mission, was perfectly accurate. A group of strangers would face an enemy and a situation they couldn't properly prepare for. They'd done some good things together. They fought well, with very few mistakes or bruised egos. Throughout the nightmare of working for the Illusive Man. In spite of the mysteries of his rebirth, Kaidan's misplaced anger, and the untold story of what happened at Omega Station, Shepard felt gratified and proud of what they had accomplished. Now, they were about to face their final hurdle. Tomorrow they would enter the Omega 4 Relay and attempt to destroy the Collector Base.

It was so good to have Tali and Garrus back by his side. Yet always, there was Kaidan, in his heart and mind. He had questions for Kaidan and someday he would get answers. He'd died and now he had a second chance. He would not allow a single one of his second chances to go to waste. He picked up the picture of Kaidan from the desk. Shepard held the image in his hands trying to recall the texture of Kaidan's skin, the innocent desire in his eyes the first time they'd shared a kiss. Not very a very romantic kiss, he remembered. He'd pretty much just grabbed him and forced him into it. But they'd been ready for it. One kiss. One night. For Kaidan it was two years. For Shepard it was just a few weeks. He should not have allowed him to walk away on Horizon. Never enough time. Maybe there would never be enough time. Maybe he should just forget about the whole damn thing.

His private comm beeped at him. Setting the picture down he keyed the email open. It was from Kaidan.

_Shepard, I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I guess I really don't know who either of us is anymore. Do you even remember that night before Ilos? That night meant everything to me... maybe it meant as much to you. But a lot has changed in the last two years and I can't just put that aside. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for many things, Shepard. Things I can't talk about, even with you. Good to see Garrus again. I'm glad you have him back on your team. He and I lost touch after Omega Station. Wish I'd had the chance to talk to him. Would you tell I said I'm doing okay and thanks again._

_Cerberus can't be trusted. Just take care._

_-Kaidan_

"It meant everything to me too, Kaidan," Shepard whispered to the computer screen. For the first time, he gave voice to what was in his heart. "I love you, Kaidan. Whatever happened, I'll be there for you. I swear it. I won't let you down again."

How to convince Kaidan of his sincerity might be another matter.

Directly below Shepard's quarters, in the bottom deck of engineering, Garrus put the finishing touches to The Plan.

"Joker, where is Tali?" Garrus asked over the ship's COM.

"At her station."

"Ask her to come down to the lower engineering level."

"She's on her way."

He really, really was not a very good turian. If he were, he would not be nervous. Actually, he was much better at the isolated lifestyle of a running gun. Nothing romantic about it, just made life easier to deal with. He wanted this so badly it overrode his usual reticence. The door above him hissed open. Footsteps on the stairs.

"Hey, uh... I made dinner for us. If you're hungry."

She gently touched her helmet to his forehead.

"You're not wearing your armor."

Garrus pulled her arms around his waist and spread his arms and talons to encompass as much of her body as he could hold. "I wanted this to be about us, not about missions or fighting."

"Thank you for this. For creating a chance for us to be alone."

"Tali-girl, there's so much I want to say to you."

"And I want to hear all of it. But I'm starving so can we eat and talk?"

Garrus laughed. It had been a long time since he'd had a reason to laugh.


	6. Hell is Empty

LOCATION: West End, Vancouver Canada

GAME TIMELINE: Post ME3

AN: There is a four-letter word in this chapter. I almost took it out. Then I decided to leave it, because I think it's the way Shepard would say it in his head.  The description of Kaidan's "house" is based on the conversation he and Shepard have at the Citadel. I think you have to romance Kaidan for it to happen though. Essentially, Kaidan describes how he wishes he could order a good Canadian lager and a whiskey from the cafe. Shepard reminds him there's probably only shard wine available. Kaidan reminisces about how many beers he enjoyed watching the sunsets from the balcony of his parent's home on English Bay. During that conversation, Kaidan also mentions his parents moved inland to their orchard for safety during the battle for earth. 

* * *

_Be not afeard._

_The isle is full of noises,_

_Sounds, and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not._

_Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments_

_Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices_

_That, if I then had waked after long sleep_

_Will make me sleep again; and then in dreaming_

_The clouds methought would open and show riches_

_Ready to drop upon me, that when I waked I cried to dream again_

The Tempest, 3:2 William Shakespeare

* * *

Dressed in a long sleeved polo shirt and jeans, John Shepard wandered through the empty house, shaking his head in wonder. When Kaidan had said balcony, he really meant a redwood deck with a Jacuzzi, large flagstone patio, and outdoor cooking area. When Kaidan said house, he actually meant a sprawling bungalow on an acre of land. When Kaidan talked about watching the sunsets over English Bay, he'd meant sitting on your own piece of lakefront property in Vancouver's West End on a very private beach. The sun was going down now and as he walked from the Jacuzzi to the deck, to the beach, to the upstairs bedroom windows all afforded a complete view of the sunset. Even the kitchen windows boasted a view of the flame colors lighting up the sky. Inside was a large fireplace, a gourmet kitchen, a study and three bedrooms.

He didn't exactly understand the purpose of a gourmet kitchen. It was a place to make food, right? Kaidan's mom assured him it was an excellent working kitchen. He'd never cooked a meal in his life. Food was a utility as was everything else in his life. The house was empty. Purchase a bed? He had always slept in whatever was available: The floor, the ground, a cot. A table for eating meals? He couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten a meal sitting down. As he watched the sunset, he remembered that time on the Citadel with Kaiden.

That meal ended with them in his quarters. Kaidan had mentioned a sanity check. He wasn't sure what Kaiden meant by that, but Shepard felt he was ready for anything. Either they would finally talk out whatever was going on with him or they'd fuck all the way to earth. Either way, they needed to fix whatever was happening between them. And, there was still Kaidan's untold story. For a long time Kaidan had just stared at the bed.

"Kaidan?" He'd only touched his arm. Kaidan had actually gasped and jerked way.

"Can I get you a drink?"

"No. No thanks. I don't drink anymore."

"You don't drink anymore? Kaidan, I may be just a dumb old sailor, but I've got enough evidence from Garrus and your behavior to guess something happened back on Omega Station."

Kaidan whirled, his brown eyes blazing with anger. "What did he say? Tell me what he told you."

"He kept your secret. It was what he left out. Tell me what happened."

"There's nothing to tell. Whatever was between you and I, is in the past and should be left in the past. That's all I wanted to say."

"Kaidan, you know me better than anyone… ever has. Yet, you're angry with me, you questioned my loyalties and doubted my intentions. Through all that, I've held you in my heart. Look at my desk. That picture of you is still there. Look at it!"

"You should throw it away."

Shepard grabbed him by the arms and turned him around. Kaidan reacted by pushing Shepard's arms away and a flash of biotics knocked the commander to the deck.

"Tell me, Kaidan. I need help, because I'm running out of ways to tell you how much you mean to me, he said pushing himself to his feet. That night before Illos meant everything to me too. You got to me. That night was nothing like anything I'd ever experienced. And I don't want to experience anything different…"

"After… after we lost the Normandy-"

"I just want you… Kaidan-"

"I drifted… I lost everything, my commission, left the service-"

"What do you need from me…?"

Finally realizing Kaidan was talking he shut his mouth and listened.

"… Wound up on Omega Station. Alcohol works really well to blunt the pain of loss. Until you run out of money. But that doesn't matter, because by that time the drinking is all you can focus on. When you get sad enough, when the grief, the ghosts, and the alcohol are your only companions. The only thing that matters is finding another drink."

"Kaidan…"

"Plenty of ways to make drinking money on Omega. I picked the easy way. The way that uses you up until you're just a wasted and diseased piece of garbage lying in the street. Until one night… When you're ready to just let go. Someone like Garrus finds you. He picks you up and takes you home. Allows you to take a real shower and sleep in a clean bed. He bullies you into eating. Gives you space, time, and something to live for. He chuckled, you don't want Garrus for a nursemaid; he's tough. So, you see, Shepard. I'm not the man you used to know. That innocent kid. The one who loved you. I am no longer worth your time. Still a good soldier though. Learned many things on Omega they don't teach you in marine training."

Shepard was behind him now, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"My beautiful Kaidan."

"No, not anymore. Used up - please stop - I've already cried all those tears – no longer worthy of your love. Please stop… I missed you so much. No, don't touch me. I wanted you to rescue me like you rescue everyone else… I waited… You were dead… I never got to tell you how much I loved you. I'm sorry."

Kaidan bowed his head and Shepard stepped forward just enough so that Kaidan's head rested on his shoulder. Forcing himself to stillness, he waited for Kaidan. Finally, Kaidan gave in and when he swayed toward Shepard, he caught him in his arms. Kaidan cried out his grief into the strong forgiving arms of Commander Shepard.

That was many battles ago. The Reapers were vanquished, earth and the rest of the galaxy is healing itself. They'd made him a Captain and put him in charge of the clean up. He'd had enough of saving galaxies and civilizations. Retire? No. It was not time for that yet. It was time to slow down and make some permanent changes in his life.

Since that night, he and Kaidan had many conversations about Omega, about life and about the two of them. Kaidan was on his way here now, with his Mother. If Kaidan was receptive, the property would be transferred to Shepard's name. He'd tried to pay the full price. His parents wouldn't hear of it. It was enough for them that their son was alive and someone would live in this place again. Shepard agreed.

An air car landed in the yard.

"John, what are you doing here?" Kaidan asked, as he climbed out of the car.

"Mrs. Alenko, good to see you again."

"Hello, John." Kaidan's mother smiled at Shepard in greeting.

"Again? Hey, what's going on here?"

Then his mom kissed him on the cheek and left in the car. Kaidan turned to Shepard in complete puzzlement.

"Come inside, Kaidan. It's getting cold out here."

"Shouldn't I be inviting you into my house?"

"It still is your house, Kaidan. Come on, we need to talk."

They both walked to the back of the house where the last rays of the sun competed with the stars for dominance over the sky. Shepard held out his hand and Kaidan took it.

"I want you to know two things, Kaidan. I love you and I do not intend to lose you again. I purchased this house from your parents. If you agree, the deal will go through tomorrow with both our names on the deed. If you don't, then I'll just walk away and we can both find new lives."

"I… I don't deserve you."

"Yeah, you do deserve me. Because I will be here for you. Even if you never allow me to touch you again. I can deal with that, because I want to be here with you. I want to learn to cook and buy goddamn furniture, fight over the thermostat, watch these sunsets with you and see your smile in the mornings. You need to teach me how to how to manage a house, buy food and pay bills. I want a life with you. A life not about killing and weapons and violence, but a real life. Is that too much to ask?"

"I love you, John Shepard."

"That's not much of an answer."

"You know it is. It's all the answer."

"Yeah, I guess it is. Please come here, Kaidan. Come here to me."

**~0~**

Winter held English Bay in its grip. Snow and ice had knocked out the power. Shepard should have been home an hour ago. The fireplace crackled with warmth, while Kaidan laid out a cold supper of fruit and cheese. He was comfortably dressed in loose trousers and shirt. Teeth brushed, hair combed, he'd showered and shaved, and he was so nervous he'd nearly dropped the tray. Forget about pouring the wine. The front door flew open and in with a billow of snow and wind, walked Captain Shepard.

"It's freezing out… there…"

Kaidan waited in front of the fire. There were blankets, a bottle of wine, with two glasses and food on a tray.

"I would pour you some wine, but my hands are shaking…" Shepard slowly closed the door, took off his coat, boots, and gloves.

"I'll do it." Shepard knelt down in front of Kaidan.

"Are you warming up?" Kaidan asked looking at him from under his lashes in that familiar way that always made Shepard smile.

"Almost, might need some help - Not accustomed to these winters."

Then Shepard did something he thought he might regret, because he didn't want to spook Kaidan. He pulled Kaidan to his knees and holding his hands, slowly leaned in to kiss his cheek.

"Thank you for this."

Kaidan shuddered once, but forced himself to relax. Shepard felt it all and when he knew Kaidan was breathing again, he slowly slid his arms around Kaidan and pulled him close. Their bodies touched from knees to lips. Difficult to go slow, when your nerve endings and what was left of the blood in your brain wanted you to pull the man in your arms to the floor so you could bury yourself in him.

 _Slow down, Shepard. Slow down_ , he chanted to himself. _The mass to fuel ratio for safe insertion into a Mass Relay - wrong analogy - Thanix cannons fire an electronic pulse of superheated… "_ Kaidan! I need you."

"Well, that was kind of the idea."

"I like your ideas, marine." Shepard grinned and playfully chased Kaidan's mouth with his lips. Kaidan kept ducking his head and Shepard finally placed a hand on each side of his face to hold him still. Kaidan was smiling. A real smile, lighting up his eyes. In gratitude for this moment, for life and for the second chances, Shepard kissed that smile and watched Kaidan's eyes close as the kiss deepened.

The fireplace kept them warm throughout the night. The power obediently failed to come back on until morning. The house, which was now their home, sheltered them from the storm outside. Eventually, they drank some of the wine and feed each other the fruit and cheese. Then wrapped in each other's arms, Shepard was gentle and Kaidan stayed brave, they reacquainted themselves with the love they'd held faithfully in their hearts for so long.

**~0~**

On a warm still evening on Palaven, Garrus Vakarian carefully touched his talons to the sides of her helmet. Very grateful to be doing something with them besides killing, he rested them for a moment on the fabric to acknowledge this precious moment of peace. He also took a moment to thank whichever spirits might be left watching over him for the presence of this woman standing in front of him. He remembered that final night together with the Normandy's crew, they'd drank toasts, laughed and told stories. Then that awful moment when it came time to say goodbye and he'd watched Shepard and Kaidan leave arm in arm. Alone in the ballroom, he took one last look around. He saw her in the back, standing by the door, with her fingers twisted together.

"Where're you headed, Tali-girl? Home?"

"I'm not ready to settle down on Rannoch. I want to go somewhere new. Somewhere I've never been before."

Did she know what she was saying? Was he reading this wrong? Shut up, Vakarian. She wouldn't still be standing here if...

"Come with me," he blurted out.

"I was hoping you'd say that."

Was it really that simple? She just walked into his arms and they could leave together? Be together? He worried; she simplified. He doubted; she proved it. He stepped back; she moved closer. He offerred her his arm and they left the ballroom together.

His father had been happy to see him when he arrived home. What father wouldn't be proud of a war hero for a son? He hadn't stopped bragging about his son's exploits to anyone who would listen. The quarian by his side was another matter. Tali's presence had raised more than a few plates. He'd worried needlessly. Tali charmed everyone. Even his father succumbed and now they were friends, swapping war stories and laughing together.

He gently slipped the catches of the faceplate. They were both anxious and he heard a slight gasp as he pulled the plate away. Then he fell in love all over again, as silver blue eyes blinked slowly up at him in the unaccustomed increase in light. She leaned toward him, reaching her face up to his. 

"Hey," she whispered, as a blush spread across her pale cheeks.

His talons fit inside the remaining hood. Kissing her gently, he pushed the whole thing down over her shoulders. Soft dark hair slid across the tough skin of his hands. The thing about Tali was her appearance gave you the idea she might be soft and delicate and in need of gentle handling. However, as she opened her mouth to his and pushed her hands under his shirt he remembered just how incorrect that was. This might be her first time, but she was not shy about asking for what she wanted. For Garrus and his warrior angel it would be a night to treasure.

* * *

 

AN: Are they going to be the coolest Gay couple in West End or what? The parties, the dinners, the intimate evenings with friends in the gourmet kitchen! Everyone, who is anyone, will want an invitation to John and Kaidan's parties. en . wikipedia wiki /West_End,_Vancouver. If you go to this site, there's a picture on the right side of the page. Shepard and John's house is about a mile to the left of the high-rises. Because I say so.


	7. Hell is Empty

CHAPTER 7, Epilogue

LOCATION: The Alenko family orchard, Vancouver Canada

GAME TIMELINE: Post ME3

* * *

_Let us not burden our remembrances with a heaviness that's gone._  


The Tempest, 5:1 William Shakespeare

* * *

 

A spring breeze carried the scent of apple blossoms. The lights woven in the branches twinkled against the twilight sky. Tugging at the collar of his dress uniform, Captain Shepard leaned against the trunk of an apple tree. He hoped he stood far enough away from the growing crowd of guests that no one could see him. Not anti-social exactly, he just needed a minute.

His mother's voice carried on the breeze to his hiding spot. Shepard followed the sound and from a safe distance watched his mother, speaking with animated gestures, to Kaidan's mother. His mother. Two months ago, Hannah Shepard had swooped into Vancouver and immediately bonded with Kaidan's mother. The two women had their heads together ever since. But, it was too late to change anything now. Wasn't it?

Everyone agreed the ceremony would take place at the orchard. That turned out to be the easy part, but Shepard's relief proved short lived. Everything else required discussion. What they would wear and what they would eat. Who would say what and to whom? The music; live or taped? Did they need a dance floor? Of course, they must have a dance floor. And the guest list grew longer each time he and Kaidan managed to get a look at it.

From casual suits to matching tuxedos to dress uniforms, the discussion over what the boys would wear, raged for a week. Kaidan and John threatened to show up in jeans and T-shirts if they were not allow to decide for themselves. It wasn't until they switched tactics, by vowing to show up in their matching asari silk robes and nothing else, that their mothers finally relented.

Shepard turned his gaze to the beautifully decorated tables where the guests would enjoy simple food harvested directly from the Alenko gardens. Fresh food to satisfy the dietary requirements of their dextro guests was also ready for enjoyment. He watched the guests talking and enjoying their wine. The orchestra (Yes, an orchestra. Their mothers had insisted) tuned their instruments.

One of the workers lit the torches, illuminating the area where baskets of spring flowers lined the small stage. In just a few minutes, he would meet Kaidan there. Footsteps behind him.

"Thought you could use a drink."

"Better not, sir."

"We've come a long way, John."

"We have and on the other side found happiness I never expected or imagined."

"Neither one of us could, not back then."

The music changed, Shepard's head came up as if testing the air, his mouth opened and closed as he inhaled deeply. "Maybe I will have that drink now…" 

Admiral Anderson pulled Shepard's arm through his.

"Ready, son?"

The guests hurried to their seats as Kaidan and his father walked to one side of the seating area, Shepard, and Anderson to the other. When the music changed, the four walked to the center, stopping at the stage. Admiral Anderson hugged Shepard and wished him well. Shepard watched Kaidan embrace his father, noticing at the same time Anderson seat himself next to his mother and place a comforting arm around her shoulders. What?

Then Shepard's breath caught in his throat as Kaidan turned that smile on him. Ruggedly handsome in his marine dress blues, Kaidan reached out his hand and Shepard took it. Side by side, they turned to the priest (A priest. Another point, from which their mothers would not back down.)

"John and Kaidan, we are gathered here together to witness the love and respect that you have for each other. John and Kaidan are you entering into this marriage freely, voluntarily and without any conditions?"

"We are."

"You may repeat your vows and exchange your rings now."

John held Kaidan's hands as he said, "Kaidan, I come here today to join your life. I pledge to be true to you, to respect you, and to grow with you through the years. We are many things to each other. May only those best qualities continue to shine and may our bond continue to grow stronger. Time may pass, fortune may smile, trials may come; no matter what we may encounter together, I vow here today that this love will be my only love. I will make my home in your heart from this day forward."

Shepard slipped a simple gold band on Kaidan's finger.

"John..."

Kaidan placed a hand on Shepard's cheek. Emotion checked his words and he had to start again. He looked to the emotion mirrored in Shepard's own eyes to help him continue.

"John, you gave me back my life and I come here today to join that life to yours. I pledge to be true to you, to respect you and to grow with you through the years. We are many things to each other. May only those best qualities continue to shine and may our bond continue to grow stronger. Time may pass, fortune may smile, trials may come; no matter what we may encounter together, I vow here today that this love will be my only love. I will make my home in your heart from this day forward."

Shepard watched as Kaidan pushed the matching gold band over the ring finger on his left hand.

"John and Kaidan, as you have consented together in lawful wedlock and thereto have pledged your faith to each other, and have declared the same by joining hands and giving and receiving of rings and exchanged your first gifts as a married couple and by the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you as married!"

They sealed their promises with a kiss. It lasted so long that a one or two of the quests giggled and Garrus almost said something, until Tali elbowed him in the side to be keep him quiet.

"Ladies and gentlemen, May I present John Shepard and Kaidan Alenko to you as a married couple. Please help me congratulate them on this happy day."

After pictures, hugs, and well wishes spoken through both smiles and tears, they made their way slowly to the tables. After many toasts (Everyone agreed, Garrus's was the best) and the guests had eaten their fill. The orchestra played the opening bars of "You'll Be in My Heart." Kaidan retrieved Shepard from James Vega's tequila drinking contest and led him to the dance floor. Moving naturally together, with their arms entwined. All eyes turned to the handsome couple on the dance floor. Everyone knew how far they'd come to get to this moment. In the middle of the dance floor, Kaidan whispered to his husband,

"Hey, remember that day I promised I'd fight like hell to hold you again?"

"I remember, my beautiful Kaidan. I remember."

"I promise to always fight like hell to keep that privilege. Always."

"And I promise to love you. Always and forever."

Shepard swung Kaidan in his arms and their joyous laughter echoed across the orchard.

* * *

 

You'll Be In My Heart - Phil Collins

_Come stop your crying, it will be all right_

_Just take my hand, hold it tight_

_I will protect you from all around you_

_I will be here don't you cry_

_For one so small, you seem so strong_

_My arms will hold you keep you safe and warm_

_This bond between us can't be broken_

_I will be here don't you cry_

_And you'll be in my heart_

_Yes, you'll be in my heart_

_From this day on_

_Now and forever more_

_You'll be in my heart_

_No matter what they say_

_You'll be here in my heart_

_Always_

_Why can't they understand the way we feel_

_They just don't trust what they can't explain_

_I know were different but deep inside us_

_Were not that different at all_

_And you'll be in my heart_

_Yes, you'll be in my heart_

_From this day on Now and forever more_

_You'll be in my heart_

_No matter what they say_

_You'll be here in my heart_

_Always_

_Don't listen to them, cause what do they know_

_We need each other, to have and to hold_

_They'll see in time,_

_I know When destiny calls you,_

_you must be strong_

_I may not be with you, but you gotta hold on_

_They'll see in time, I know_

_Well show them together cuz..._

_You'll be in my heart_

_I believe, you'll be in my heart_

_Ill be there from this day on_

_Now and forever more_

_You'll be in my heart_

_No matter what they say_

_You'll be here in my heart always Always..._

_Ill be with you Ill be there for you always_

_Always and always Just look over your shoulder…_

_I'll be there always_


End file.
